Winter break was really nice...hung out with a lot of my friends and it was nice being off a whole month.  Saw a lot of my family over the holidays, which was really nice.  I wasnt able to go to the family vacation over the summer because of my surgery...so it was so awesome to see all the family. 

As much as I knew 2nd semester was going to be stressful when it started, I really wanted to go back...so when the 17th rolled around I was ready! I found out Chrissy was in my math class so that was totally awesome.  But ummm I am finding out that this semester is going to be crazy....it was my first week & I already had TONS of hw...luckily im almost done....but I have 3 classes on Mondays & Wednesdays and 2 classes on Tuesdays & Thursdays! I'm taking on 5 classes...but it will be ok...I'm sure ill be able to handle it once I get used to it OH yeah & i have Fridays off this semester...which is totally sweet...

With 5 classes now...I'm either at school, doing homework or working....and when I'm not doing any of those things...I'm hanging out with friends...which seldom happens...

First week back...and I'm incredibly tired already...

Well i'm off to bed..its late & i have to go to church tomorrow <33

*MeL*

So today I really realized that everything that happend last week is just piling up on me once again...

My mom & i got into a HUGE fight yesterday....and I'm just so fed up with it all....Luckily I have my friends to help me thru everything or else I dont know what I would do.  Basically it consisted of college tuition, my cell phone & just everything that my life consists of.  Lets just say I broke down crying to my best friend last night and yeah...it was just bad.  I feel bad for doing that.  So glad I have this person in my life love ya hun <33

I thought a lot of Mrs. Caponigri again today...and it was hard....I wish she was here smiling at us again...wish things worked out differently in her life...it hurts it really does.  I just hope everything works out with that family and they all are comforted in the thought that she wont have to suffer anymore...thats how I feel at least. 

Today was a better day...I went to my grandmas & spent the day with her.  She is so amazing.  She made me see a few things and let me talk to her about some things that have been bothering me. Went home and then talked to my dad...him & i are getting closer as the days pass...and its great.  We agree on so many things that go on in my life and he helps me out a lot.  I'm so glad that hes there for me. 

Work was crazy today.  So many problems but I got thru them all some how.  One thing bothered me...and it was because I saw it for myself.  If someone else would have told me that someone gave me a dirty look and made a face at me like I was some disgusting person...then I wouldnt have believed it,  but I definitely saw it with my own eyes.  Then you have someone else that has to make a comment about it & laugh at me...love how it all works out like that.  Cant believe I can make someone hate me that much....just seirously just let it go...its done already...its been done for a long freaking time. I've been praying for a day to come for us to be okay again & be friends...but im starting to think that time isnt going to make this better...so why even try anymore.   

I'm living my life to fullest and not hating...why do it...its not even worth it.  Who knows maybe my life could be cut short...just like these other people in my life dying so young.... Dont hate...in all that time wasted hating that person you could be loving them for who they are...

Thats my thought for the day.....

<33 Melissa

She was such an amazing woman....everytime I would come over...she would always have that smile on her face.  She was always so incredibly nice to me.  I have yet to meet a woman like her, she was one of a kind and I miss her so much already. 

The first time I met her...I found out where Suzy got her kindness from...what an incredible family...its too bad all of this had to happen to them.  Nobody deserves this but I know in my heart that it will only make us all stronger. 

Rest In Peace Mrs. Caponigri....one day all of us will meet again.  We love you and I know that you will be missed by many because I know I miss you already <33

I know you are looking down on us & smiling.....

So as the  last two days of the year were passing I began to think...wow  2005 is actually passing...and as much as I hate regrets...I do have some.  I learned a lot of things this year.  Learned some life lessons from experiencing things personally and from my friends having problems themselves.  What a year it was....

My brother turned 4 years old....and as much as its just another year it really made me think about how much I am grateful for him and how much he has made me realize how much I want to become a teacher...because I lovee teaching him new things.  I love that kid

This year was the greatest year out of all four years of my high school years...and I loved every minute of it.  I loved being with my friends...having the greatest time of my life.  Not being afraid to make mistakes and to experiment with different things.  Now I'm not talking about illegal things...I'm talking about just having fun with my friends.  Staying out late and just living my life.... Prom...was one of the best  nights of my life.  My date was amazing, was with my friends the whole night it was just the greatest.  Being on the boat in the city...it was just so awesome.  Its one of those nights that you will never forget.  Senior picnic & brunch...sad but also so incredibly fun! Taking hilarious pictures & just laughing about the old times...so many memories...i love my girlies Then came Graduation...and all though I was so excited to graduate...i was so scared.... Scared to move on and to be on my own with making my own decisions and just being out of high school was a big step for me.  But I succeeded & looked over & saw my whole family there supporting me and Im telling u....I never felt so loved until that day.  It was the greatest feeling ever.

Graduation party...last hoorah before my surgery....all my friends & family there partying it up!! YAY!!! It was so sweet! I loved it.  Had a water balloon fight....ate lots of food...danced...had sparklers & just had an awesome time w/ everyone there.  Then there was the horrible but amazing change of my life....

....My jaw surgery had to be the best & worst thing out of the whole year....there are two sides of this surgery because it was very painful but was life changing.  When I was younger...I always thought that there was something wrong with me until one day I just accepted with the way that I looked...I was born with a birth defect...oh well ya kno? Never really thought I could change the way I looked...then I found out about this surgery....well I had it done two years ago...and it unfortunately didnt work.  So I just thought forget it...I like the way I look forget it... Well my doctor let me know of another surgery...one that  involved head gear...I wasnt too excited about it.  HEADGEAR? when I'm  18? OMGG lol but I ended up agreeing with it & on June 13th I had jaw surgery and I was so scared..... but I ended up waking up fine and my family was there to greet me & they all supported me...they helped me thru it all.  It was the hardest time of my life....self esteem was at my lowest and I needed some support but I had the greatest ppl there for me! My friends were there for me & i want to take the time to thank you all for that....because u all are amazing & I love you soo much!  I had to have it on for 2 months....but it was all worth it look at this...

 <~  before the surgery

 <~ after surgery

Now granted  I still have braces on & I'm 18 but hell I'm almost done with that...and I'm so excited...I am so grateful that everythign worked this time & I love the way I look now.  Its amazing that I had this chance   Never thought that it would come!

Finished my first semester of college at Harper & let me tell you....I LOVE IT.  I love college.  Now granted...I would rather be at Northern Illinois, but I will get there...only one more year!!! I cant wait! Working at Jewel still, finally a cashier and I love it.  Its fun and yeah no complaints about recent things that have been going on.  Met some really amazing ppl this year and I'm so grateful for all the people that have been there thru it all...you all are amazing & yeah glad I have you for friends....Thanks especially to.... Amanda, Angela, Stef, Maggie (helped me to learn to let things go & to have some fun no matter what we do haha), Ryan (u never gave up on me & u helped me thru so many hard times, thank you from the bottom of my heart), Chris, Stephanie, Suzy, Jen, Steph, Christina (giving me advice on things that I had not experienced and when I had questions about the surgery u were there..so thank you sweetie!), Tanya (u & i got closer this year and I'm so glad cause ur awesome.  Thanks for all the talks!), Nihar & Chrissy (thanks for all the advice...love you sweetie!)! If I missed you...I'm sorry but u obviously know that I appreciate you & that I  love you

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Hope 2005 was just as good as mine was! If u made it this far from reading all this...wow I'm impressed...sorry it was so long...but there was A LOT to say! lol

Love always,

<33 MeL